A Lesson On Giving

In one of those "At my wit's end" moments a couple weeks ago, I told Brooke she would not get any Christmas gifts until she earned them back one by one. She was behaving pretty badly, and I thought of the worst punishment I could in the heat of the moment. I rarely go back on my word, but tonight I just had to.

Some background:

Brooke has had a hard time with the incentive programs that work so well for my other kids. She just doesn't seem to care enough about earning or losing points so it doesn't work too well for me or her. Because she never earned more points the she lost, she never had any to redeem for money. This created a small problem when she wanted to get gifts for her sisters for Christmas. We came up with creative ideas of things she could make, but one of the things would've cost more to make than to purchase, so I made a deal with her. I would purchase the gift for her to give to Sophie in exchange for her keeping her room clean between then and Christmas day. No fighting. No whining. No excuses.

Today she didn't get it cleaned. She got distracted and just forgot. When I put them to bed, I pointed out to her that she hadn't held up her end of the bargain, so the deal was off. No gift for Brooke to give to Sophie.

She was devastated. But the girl has to learn that there are consequences to her actions (be aware that this is not the first time we've had this kind of problem - she is remarkably stubborn when she wants to be, and I feel a need to hold a firm line with her). I couldn't help but feel sympathy for her though. My mother heart wanted to cry out, "Never mind! You can still have it, just clean it up tomorrow!" My prison-warden mind wanted to cry out, "You buttered your bread, now sleep in it!"

When my heart and mind came to an understanding, I gave Brooke an option. A test of sorts. "Between now and Christmas, I will let you work to earn back EITHER your gift to give to Sophie, OR your Christmas presents." Without hesitation, with something between relief and desperation in her voice she answered, "I want to earn back Sophie's present!"

I think at that moment my mother heart silenced my warden mind on this one. How can I take from her the opportunity to give? Her ever-compassionate sister Janelle (after witnessing the entire exchange) begged me to let Brooke at least have the gift from her. I realized then how important it was for both of them, and all of us, to be on the giving end; that giving heartfelt gifts is a way that we show Christlike love for others. Brooke wasn't as concerned about missing out on her gifts, but they are representative of other people's love for her, and I shouldn't interfere with that in the name of discipline. Completely overcome by their remarkable displays of selflessness, for maybe the second time as their mother, I gave in.

I think I did the right thing.