On our way up to visit my sister and parents in Washington earlier this week, one of my delightful children (who shall remain nameless to spare her pride) took issue with her sister for putting her feet up by her head. I KNOW this scenario has played out in hundreds of minivans numerous times, but I wonder how many ended up like we did.
Because culprit A had leaned her seat back, culprit B couldn't get comfortable without putting her feet anywhere that didn't offend culprit A. So I suggested culprit A and B switch seats, especially since A insisted there were a number of ways for B to be comfortable without putting her feet up. Culprit A was not excited by my ingenious plan, and refused to be moved. So I gave her a warning and told her I would pull over and she would have to get out of the car until she was ready to cooperate. I tried to make it very clear that such a "time out" did not have to be long at all, just long enough for her to be ready and willing to cooperate, but it was too late. She was already beyond reasoning.
But so what? I can be more stubborn too and I don't want to give in to contentious kids, so when I came to a Fred Meyer parking lot, I pulled in, got her out of the car, and locked the doors with the rest of us inside. She proceeded to bang both fists on the windows screaming, "Let me in!" over and over. Passersby proceeded to watch with concern, and (not one to waste time) I proceeded to feed the baby while we waited. This was at 8:59 am.
One odd, well-meaning fellow on a bike looked particularly disturbed by her scene. He asked me what was wrong, and I told him, "She's throwing a fit, and I can't let her in until she calms down and apologizes." Then without charging me, he offered a psychiatric evaluation of her, suggesting that she might have something known as "broken child-syndrome". "Uh, thanks, I'll look into it." Another man walked by and gave me his best "You're a bad mother" look.
At 10:04 the inevitable happened. A police car pulled up behind us and asked what was going on. "I was wondering when you might show up," I muttered. I explained the situation yet again, and fortunately he could see I was not crazy, just that I had a stubborn daughter. These things don't happen all that often, and they usually blow over a lot quicker, but that morning was a biggie! The cop seemed surprised that it had all started with an argument about feet (I don't think he has kids), and that it had lasted over an hour. The shock of having a policeman talk to her seemed to snap culprit A out of her rotten mood, and she was all kindness and consideration the rest of the time.
Am I doing the right thing? I never know. I'd call Dr. Laura and ask her opinion, but I can't stand her, and besides she already told me I was a bad mother (that's a whole other story).
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7 comments:
I think you did the right thing and more mothers should do the same, we would have less crime, less selfishness, less ingratitude, less people who think they should get and deserve everything under the sun! GOOD mothers do what you do and teach their children right from wrong by doing what they say, and saying what they mean and not allowing naughtiness to continue! GOOD FOR YOU! If only we were ALL more like you! I think you deserve mother of the year award!
Wow, I want to hear the DR. Laura story. You are not a bad mother, nor were you harming your child. You have to judge what is going to get your child to behave best giving the least amount of reward in the meantime. I will have to say I would have caved out of embarrassment of the child yelling outside the car, therefore that would not be a suitable punishment to dish out for me, simply because I would be too embarrassed to enforce it. Great job for staying calm.
I say more power to you...your solution is so much better than the alternates. :)
LOVE THIS! Ditto on the AManda remark! The BEST part is the humor factor this story has for the REST of their lives. (fast forward 30 years...your daughter to hers:) "Ya know, when I was your age and threw a fit, I was MUCH better at it than you; in fact, I gained an audience with and officer of the law. In short, don't waste our time....LOL!"
I am so impressed you waited that long and she did too. I think she will think before she does something like that. I vote GOOD MOM. One night we were going out to dinner and I told one of ours that if they didn't change their attitude they would be drinking water and have PBandJ when we got home....it was a glass of cold water for them!! Now I can use it as a reminder and so can you...do you remember what happened at Fred Meyer parking lot. Way to go Allison!
Way to go Allison. Ditto to what everyone else has said. She knew what had to happen in order to get back in the van. And you stood your ground. I am also impressed with how long her fit lasted! Wow! And it sounds like you stayed very calm throughout everything, so good job!
Kudos to you! I would have done exactly the same thing! Love it! Never fun when the community gets involved!
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