As a mother, I have my fair share of less-than-perfect moments. I can't be as delightfully nurturing as Maria all the time. That is one of the things that made me fall in love with Erma Bombeck's writing, which I shamelessly imitate. She was pretty candid about her own experiences trying to juggle all the things mothers have to juggle. One of my favorite mental pictures she painted was of her running around the house trying to get things done while thawing out pork chops for dinner in her armpits :) I can't improve my mothering skills without acknowledging my weaker moments (and if nothing else, it should cut down on my babysitting demand)...so with Erma Bombeck as my inspiration, here is my own walk of shame list:
What kind of a mother would...
*hide in the closet to talk on the phone ignoring the persistent calls of "Mom!!!!" in the background
*take the battery out of the smoke alarm to work the kids' toy walkie talkie and forget to put it back in until the burnt dinner reminds me by making me wonder why the smoke alarm didn't go off
*tell the kids they'll go to jail if they take off their seatbelt in the car again, and drive them past the prison just to scare the point into them.
*recycle cereal boxes without cutting out the "Box Tops for Education" first
*Pretend they're not mine when someone else in a public place has to do a little disciplining
*pick the kids up late from school to watch the end of an episode of "Lost" even though it's on dvd.
*tell daughter to use dad's toothbrush when her own mysteriously dissappears
*make kid wear shoes that are a little too small just one more time because "they match that outfit perfectly."
*remind the kids regularly that they are listed on craigslist for $9.99 obo.
*make the kids eat nasty leftovers that weren't any good on the first day - and excuse myself for not eating it because "I had a late lunch" (followed by eating cereal after kids go to bed)
*buy two kinds of ice cream: kids' ($1.98/5 gal) mom and dad's ($3.98/gal. on sale)
*make the kids work all day towards earning another cookie, only to realize I forgot I was supposed to save them and ate them all. whoops.
Please tell me I'm not the only one.
What kind of a mother would...
*hide in the closet to talk on the phone ignoring the persistent calls of "Mom!!!!" in the background
*take the battery out of the smoke alarm to work the kids' toy walkie talkie and forget to put it back in until the burnt dinner reminds me by making me wonder why the smoke alarm didn't go off
*tell the kids they'll go to jail if they take off their seatbelt in the car again, and drive them past the prison just to scare the point into them.
*recycle cereal boxes without cutting out the "Box Tops for Education" first
*Pretend they're not mine when someone else in a public place has to do a little disciplining
*pick the kids up late from school to watch the end of an episode of "Lost" even though it's on dvd.
*tell daughter to use dad's toothbrush when her own mysteriously dissappears
*make kid wear shoes that are a little too small just one more time because "they match that outfit perfectly."
*remind the kids regularly that they are listed on craigslist for $9.99 obo.
*make the kids eat nasty leftovers that weren't any good on the first day - and excuse myself for not eating it because "I had a late lunch" (followed by eating cereal after kids go to bed)
*buy two kinds of ice cream: kids' ($1.98/5 gal) mom and dad's ($3.98/gal. on sale)
*make the kids work all day towards earning another cookie, only to realize I forgot I was supposed to save them and ate them all. whoops.
Please tell me I'm not the only one.
12 comments:
You are not alone! Mine are a little younger so I have used others that are very similar. I remember when we were younger my mom used the "prison" tactic on us once and it scared the crap out of my sister and I. We would stay up and talk about what prison would be like. So, that tactic totally worked for us! I love how honest you are. I have a long list of not my finer moments that I should share. You are so funny Alli and I love reading your posts.
You are definitely not alone. I have my long list of less than fine moments and some are duplicates of yours.
I have my moments too! I thought before I was a Mom that I would be the best Mom in the world and it would come so easily to me. Half the time I feel like my maturity level is the same as theirs and that can't be any good...someone has to be the adult. I loved the comment about the leftovers and the cereal...I have been known to do easy breezy kid friendly meals so I don't have to cook a real meal. Ron works nights so I don't have to cook for him.
Well, we don't have kids yet... but it sure is fun reading about all the fun things we have to look forward to:). And I DEFINITELY understand the "Lost" one... it is very addicting.
I did the "Daddy's toothbrush" just last night!!! (I can't type my name for fear of Daddy reading this)
I have to admit I was laughing out loud simply because I matched almost everyone of those!!! You are definitely not alone!!! only I probably wouldn't eat cearal after putting the kids to bed I would eat ice cream and yes it would be the $3.95 one!!!
1. I LOVE LOST and totally understand why you wanted to finish it.
2. I might have been the public child-discipliner
3. I'm a teacher and don't care if Box Tops go in my recycling, till a kid notices and I act like I forgot
4. Let's get together and split that expensive ice cream!
Cool! I thought I was the only one who sent to such extremes for a matching outfit :)
I love it!! I think I relate to every single one.
ha ha ha! That was the best list ever!!!!! I can totally relate to that!
Wow! I was laughing so hard on this post! You crack me up, and sadly I too have tried many of these tactics! How come they ALWAYS know when we are on the phone and act their worst?
Jaren's mom used to drive by those mini power plant things when they were really bad, with the chain link fences with barbed wire tops, high voltage signs and the weird spacey Jetson's-looking transformers and tell them she would leave them there.
Post a Comment