Forgive Me Fräulein Maria, I have sinned

As a mother, I have my fair share of less-than-perfect moments. I can't be as delightfully nurturing as Maria all the time. That is one of the things that made me fall in love with Erma Bombeck's writing, which I shamelessly imitate. She was pretty candid about her own experiences trying to juggle all the things mothers have to juggle. One of my favorite mental pictures she painted was of her running around the house trying to get things done while thawing out pork chops for dinner in her armpits :) I can't improve my mothering skills without acknowledging my weaker moments (and if nothing else, it should cut down on my babysitting demand)...so with Erma Bombeck as my inspiration, here is my own walk of shame list:


What kind of a mother would...

*hide in the closet to talk on the phone ignoring the persistent calls of "Mom!!!!" in the background

*take the battery out of the smoke alarm to work the kids' toy walkie talkie and forget to put it back in until the burnt dinner reminds me by making me wonder why the smoke alarm didn't go off

*tell the kids they'll go to jail if they take off their seatbelt in the car again, and drive them past the prison just to scare the point into them.

*recycle cereal boxes without cutting out the "Box Tops for Education" first

*Pretend they're not mine when someone else in a public place has to do a little disciplining

*pick the kids up late from school to watch the end of an episode of "Lost" even though it's on dvd.

*tell daughter to use dad's toothbrush when her own mysteriously dissappears

*make kid wear shoes that are a little too small just one more time because "they match that outfit perfectly."

*remind the kids regularly that they are listed on craigslist for $9.99 obo.

*make the kids eat nasty leftovers that weren't any good on the first day - and excuse myself for not eating it because "I had a late lunch" (followed by eating cereal after kids go to bed)

*buy two kinds of ice cream: kids' ($1.98/5 gal) mom and dad's ($3.98/gal. on sale)

*make the kids work all day towards earning another cookie, only to realize I forgot I was supposed to save them and ate them all. whoops.

Please tell me I'm not the only one.

Hey! Who's Been Spying on Us?

I'd never heard of these guys, but my sister sent me the link, and it made me laugh. If you're married, click on the link. If not, don't click. It might disillusion you, and also you wouldn't get it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGOohBytKTU&feature=related

(and remember, sorting out the recycling isn't part of "it", but it's still very important) Another of their songs "Jenny" is good too - but I can't recommend "Frodo, Don't Wear the Ring" because Todd would leave me if I supported a mockery of LOTR.

For the Bible Tells Me So

I've made a personal challenge to myself to read the Old Testament beginning to end (and it's no small task, let me tell you!). Everyone knows the stories of the great heroes and prophets, but it's the little guys that have piqued my interest the most. I have a new favorite scripture story. It's about a soldier named Abimalech who puts his enemy under seige in a tower and plans to burn it down with everyone trapped inside. His plan is foiled, however, by a little old lady - my new scripture hero (okay, so it doesn't say she's old, but it makes for a better mental picture that way.)

(Judges Chap 9:52-54)
"And Abimelech came unto the tower, and fought against it, and went hard unto the door of the tower to burn it with fire. And a certain woman cast a piece of a millstone upon Abimalech’s head, and all to brake his skull. Then he called hastily unto the young man his armourbearer, and said unto him, Draw thy sword, and slay me, that men say not of me, A woman slew him. And his young man thrust him through, and he died."

The Wisdom of Six Year Olds

You've seen that email of kids' conclusions to well-know proverbs, well I wanted to see what my kids' own conclusions would be. Here are my favorite answers:

*Better late than...dead (Brooke)

*When the blind lead the blind...they get run over (Brooke)

*There are none so blind as...a turtle 'cause its shell is in its face (Janelle)

*Laugh and the whole world laughs with you. Cry and...you're whining (Brooke)

*Two's company, three's...kind of like a party (Brooke)

*If you lie down with dogs...you'll get kissed a lot (Janelle)

*Happy the bride who...got married in the temple (Brooke)

*No news is...ok as long as you know it'll come on tv and you can watch it later (Brooke)

*A miss is as good as...a mister (Janelle)

*Children should be seen and not...seen alone without their moms (Brooke)

*Strike while the...person is a bad guy and he tries to capture you for no reason (Janelle)

*Never underestimate the power of...Harry Potter (Janelle)

*Don't change horses...diapers (Brooke)

The Tattle Jar

In an effort to curb children's irrepresible instinct to tattle, we started a "Tattle Jar" in our house. We recently instituted a small allowance to the kids based on how well they kept up with their responsibilities (getting ready for school, cleaning their bedroom, chores, piano lessons, homework, taxes, etc.), so I decided I could charge them 1 cent to tattle, unless someone was getting hurt, in which case it would be free. The first few days, the girls didn't seem to really catch on. It was like they felt it was a privilege to pay to tattle. Especially Brooke, who can't hold on to money to save her life. She was paying for other people's tattles! (One evening Todd came home, glanced in the jar and exclaimed, "What's a quarter doing in here!!!???" No, she didn't have 25 tattles all at once, but she'd run out of pennies and needed change). My sister-in-law Jill, told me about a similar idea a teacher friend of hers had instituted in her class. She had the kids write down the tattle and put it in a jar, and told them she'd read them when she had a chance and if she thought it was important she'd follow up on it. Eventually the kids got sick of writing them out, so they stopped. I decided to give my kids that option as well. So, they could work it out themselves, pay 1 cent to tattle right away if they wanted me to do something about it, or they could write it down for free and I would read them some time later. Since we started (about 2 months ago) I have 8 pennies in the jar, not counting the quarter, of which only 2 cents were actually spent on tattles, and three written tattles. Pretty good for 2 months worth, I think. For kicks, this is what the written tattles say:

From Janelle: "Brooke took something speshol."

From Sophie: "Brooke is eating Golden Puffs without the healthy." [Explanation: I make my kids mix the sweetened cereal with the unsweetened kind to cut down on the sugar. Apparently Brooke didn't mix the two, and Sophie couldn't handle it.]

From Sophie and Brooke: "Brooke saw Janelle have candy from the apple jar in her hands and I heard crinkling from her hands and saw the end of a piece of candy AND there are whoppers missing from my carton. I think Janelle stole." [Yes, I think Janelle did take candy without permission, but really, who counts their whoppers?]

Also a nice little note in the jar that says, "I love you mom." :)

Feel the Love

In honor of the upcoming Valentines Day, I thought I'd share these lovely Valentines Janelle and Brooke gave me:


(Well, what can I say? It was either her or the lawn mower - I guess I made the right choice.)

Small World

I was reading February's Reader's Digest, and came across a cute little Valentine's Day story about a proposal to a girl via a crossword puzzle. The girl was 29 yr old Jennie Bass.

I saw the name and thought, "I remember a Jennie Bass from middle school." Good old Philomath Middle School - PMS (Go Braves!). She moved away in the sixth grade. Right name, right age, looks like it could be the same person...
(Incidentally, when I went to my middle school yearbook to find her picture, I was relieved to see she was one of the few that didn't have my artwork all over her picture in the form of buck teeth, clown hair, big glasses or moles). What do you think? Same person? Wonder if I'll ever really know - or if it'll have to be one of those things I find out after I die, like "What's the deal with the Bermuda Triangle?", "Does the flux capacitor really make time travel possible?", "Where did I put my keys in 2002 that I never found?", and "Who shot J.R?" You know, the important stuff.