ABC and 123

My little Claire just turned three years old - how does that happen??? She has a favorite book called "Top and Toby" in which a boy and his dog visit all the letters of the alphabet. At the end, they fall asleep on Z and dream that they take all the letters of the alphabet (on balloons) to visit the artist living alone in A. They have the greatest, wildest, happiest party ever. When I asked Claire what she wanted to do for her birthday party, she told me she wanted that party - an ABC party just like Top and Toby. She was most excited about all the balloons :)

The cake - not one of my finer pieces of work, but I was sick-ish, so my standard was lower

The cutest little bunch of party guests ever :)

The Dark Side of a Perfect Neighborhood

(as a disclaimer, I don't really feel SO strongly about this, just thought it made for interesting food for thought, and I love a good opportunity to exaggerate)

It’s hard living in a house with crazy kids and trying to keep up appearances so the neighbors don’t start talking. The house seems to fall apart on its own around you, and it’s all you can do to keep up. I know when my lawn needs to be mowed, or when a perpetually unfinished project starts to look trashy, but sometimes I just can’t get to it right away. I’m a busy woman, and I don’t like to miss my afternoon nap.

Which is why I’m glad I don’t live in a snobby subdivision. You know the kind I’m talking about: Gorgeous houses, impeccable landscaping, nary a bike left on the driveway. They’re nice looking, but I tell ya, they’re full of communists. They’re well-meaning folks who just want their neighborhood to stay nice, but it’s at the expense of some personal freedoms. They form a committee in charge of making sure all the neighbors comply with the rules. Rules like:

“You may not bring your garbage to the curb before dark, and it must be put out of plain sight by 8am on garbage day or you will be fined.”

“Dandelions may not exceed 4 at any given time, and must be eliminated within one day of notification.”

“Crabgrass is bad-grass. If you cannot take care of it yourself, we will re-sod it at your expense.”

“Gaudy house colors will not be acceptable. You are not allowed personal style or taste. Your style and taste may be chosen from the following colors: tan, coffee, burlap, chocolate, twine, potato skin, dirt, cork, dog poop, or plain brown.”

“Holiday decorations must be committee approved, and may go up exactly one week before and remain no longer than one week after corresponding holiday.”

“Keep the bumper stickers on your cars neutral. We do not want to know who you brake for, who you honk for, who you vote for, or what your sexual orientation is. (If your child is an award winner, however, we encourage you to flaunt it.)”

“No tacky yard decorations allowed. If a pink flamingo, pinwheel, or two-dimensional wood replica of a person’s backside is found in your possession, you will be asked to move to the cheap side of town where you belong.”


I would never fit in one of these Commie communities. I’m just not a perfectionist when it comes to appearances. The Joneses are so far ahead of me, I’ve been lapped. So I embrace the freedom to appear trashy. I reserve the right to cultivate crabgrass and dandelions. I will leave my garbage out all week long if I feel like it, and let the lid roll into the street and get run over. You’re gonna look at whatever tacky decorations suit my fancy, and you’re gonna like it! Hooray for freedom and the American way!

Gilbert House

We love this little children's museum in Salem. It seems like every time we're there there's something new. We got to meet up with an old friend, Jodie, and her kids and had a great time!

This room was new - some kind of heat sensor gadget. Totally groovy looking.

We could spend hours in just this little grocery store room. I hope they keep this one for a while yet.
That poor lady in the background has no idea she's on the internet now.

We are a Brooke short of a full load as she's spending the week with Grandma Bevans. Jodie's cute daughter Lily is in the picture instead.

In the China room, not having a proper tea service.

For whatever reason, Janelle thought she needed to bring in a bag with her stuff in it: a couple snacks, library books, and a bible - cause who knows when you might need divine guidance :)

Anxiety Dreams

The dreams I remember the most often are my anxiety dreams - can't remember my locker combination, a big project is due that I wasn't prepared for, I don't know my class schedule - they're mostly high school settings for whatever reason. In college I often had dreams around test time that I wasn't prepared for the test, so my brain would go over and over my study sheets in my sleep - the extra studying was a bonus, for sure.

Todd doesn't get anxious about much of anything, so I guess I do that for him. He has to take the bar in July and I'm really nervous for him. So I had a dream the other night that I took him to the place and we had to go through all these stations filling out paperwork and such. At the last one, they had him strip down to make sure he wasn't carrying in anything with him, then they gave him a packet of clothes to put on. In my dream, he kept messing up with his underwear. I thought, if the man can't figure out how to put on his underwear, how is he ever going to pass the bar??!! Luckily the questions on the bar were all about Michael Jackson though, so it was a lot easier than we had anticipated :)

How Great of a Father Are You?

For Father's Day this year, I thought I ought to make up a quiz to weed out the ones who don't deserve a new tie or bbq set in honor of the day anyway. Give this to the fathers in your life and see who makes the cut:

1. Have you ever appeared on the Maury Povich show to determine paternity?

A. Never. I know who my children are and I support them in every way possible

B. Twice, but only as a guest to heckle the losers on stage

C. Several times, but I don't care what the DNA test shows. I'm with Michael Jackson, "The kid is not my son."

2. When your kids want a little of your time and attention do you:

A. Stop what you're doing and give a little love - after all, they're only young once

B. Give them love and attention but only during commercials

C. Tell them to go play in the street

3. When your children need it, how willing are you to change diapers?

A. Anytime - I don't want a rashy tushy on my conscience

B. Only when mother, siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and friends were ALL unavailable and I can't get the kid to go stink up a room I'm not in

C. I'd do it, but I've been claiming ignorance for the past 5 years and I don't want to screw it up now.

4. For your child's birthday parties, do you typically:

A. Sing the loudest, take the best pictures and eat the most cake

B. Hang around if it's convenient, and maybe dish up ice cream when mom's desperate for help

C. I haven't been invited since the one I got drunk at and threw up on the birthday girl.

5. When your daughter makes a childish craft as a gift for you do you:

A. Receive it with enthusiasm and gratitude

B. Smile, nod, ask what it is, then toss it when she's not looking

C. Tell her what you really wanted was a new computer, but thanks anyway.

6. When your child was learning to ride a bike did you:

A. Patiently hold onto the seat and run alongside until he got the hang of it

B. Swear on the bible that you would hold onto the seat and run alongside until he got the hang of it and let go as soon as he believed you

C. Take him to the top of a hill and push him down - kind of like birds do when it's time to fly

7. For bedtime stories do you:

A. Read her favorite book no less than 4 times in a row every night for 6 months

B. Read the first page, skip a few, read a middle page, skip a few, and read the last page - The End!

C. Try to stop further bedtime story inquiries by saying, "Once upon a time, there was a kid who wanted a bedtime story, but a bad man named Freddy Krueger threatened to eat him up if he ever asked for one again. The end. Remind me to show you who Freddy is tomorrow, okay?"

8. When the kids are getting annoying do you usually:

A. Have a gentle one-on-one talk about appropriate behavior

B. Tell them to "Knock it off" repeatedly until they are finally sent to their room to save your sanity

C. List them on ebay for $9.99 obo

9. When you bought a playset for the backyard, how long was it before you put it up?

A. Immediately - that's why we got it and we didn't to lose any time the kids could have playing and making memories together

B. We got it early spring and had it up just before the rainy season started in the fall

C. After a few months, I figured the box was enough fun for the little brats

10. When your son needs help with his homework do you:

A. Explain the question and help him work through the answer?

B. Tell him to ask his mother

C. Tell him, "What are those worthless teachers doing all day anyway? I pay my taxes for them to do their job and they can't even teach a dolt of a kid like you what 2+2 is? What do you think I am - some kind of math genius!?"

Scoring:

Mostly A's - Congratulations, you deserve every tie, bbq set, bear hug and sloppy kiss you've ever gotten!

Mostly B's - Hmmm, needs work. Your children are clearly not one of your top priorities and they may turn into rotten teenagers if you don't change your ways soon.

Mostly C's - First, make an appointment to get snipped. Second, grow up - it's not all about you anymore. Third, say hi to Maury for me and ask how Connie and the kids are.

Family Pictures 2009

Our friend Jef Hatch graciously offered to take some pictures for our family last month Now I'm stuck with the arduous task of trying to decide which to get printed up large to put in our living room. I've narrowed it down to a few and put a poll on the sidebar ---------->

12
3

Please vote for your favorite - Thanks!!

Would-a, Should-a, Could-a

I know it sounds great to say you've lived your life with no regrets, but come on, if you think hard enough, everybody has a list of things, big or small, that they wish they'd never done. In no particular order, here are some of mine:


1. Showing my sister's underwear to her date when he came to pick her up for the 8th Grade Dinner Dance. That was just mean.

2. Telling Todd to expect me to be a "wild woman" after we were married. I don't actually remember this, but he insists it's true and feels like it was a definite "bait and switch" situation.



3. Being unconciously heartless to a good friend - many instances I'm sure, but only a few that I think I'm aware of. So if you think I was ever heartless to you, I'm sorry. I feel really bad about it now :(


4. Hitting my sister's friend's car and pretending it wasn't me. (shame shame, know my name!) At least I did finally confess and get it off my conscience.



5. Using silk flowers at my wedding - what was I THINKING!!??




6. Yelling at my kids - every time it happens.



7. Eating a friend's gift of strawberry pie with a fellow conspirator, then telling her we didn't receive it so she'd make us another one. She let us know how she felt about that in no uncertain terms.



8. Getting annoyed by a friend playing with my bra strap, and accidentally punching her in the head and ever so slightly cracking her skull. Whoops!



9. Putting a hot pizza box on my new table. Ruined the finish forever. grrrrr
10. Losing contact with old friends. I'm grateful, though, for those I've been able to keep in touch or reconnect with.



11. My naivete when opening the door to an older man who didn't speak English, assuming he needed to use the phone, then assuming he wanted to pay me for using the phone when he pulled out a $20 and motioned toward my open bedroom door. Regretful, AND offended- Twenty bucks??!!


12. Not trying out for American Idol before I turned 30 - I could've been a star!!